That's CAPTAIN No-good scoundrel to you, me bucko

So way back in '87, Sid Meier put out a game called Pirates! In that game, you could sail the Spanish Main, make deals with governors of various colonies while charming their daughters, buy and sell (and plunder) good and sugar and provisions and cannons, all in a two-decade span of your choosing from between 1580-1680 or so. And all that on a 3.5" floppy. I played this game on a Tandy 1000HX that booted from a disk with no hard drive.

When Windows 95 came along, Mr Meier updated the game with some cool graphics, a little bit more depth in the intrigue and skill department, but it was essentially the same game.

Now, the game has been updated for new graphics cards, virtual memory and all that good stuff, but it's still essentially the same game. Now, is that good, or is that bad? Sort of depends on your point of view.

The point of the game has not changed, though the backstory is more complete now -- the introduction to the game gives you a nifty movie that shows what happened to your family and why you're out there looting and plundering. The skills from previous versions of the game have been enhanced a bit -- the sword-fighting and ship to ship combat have been updated enough to make a player feel like he's actually contributing to the battle instead of just clicking at the right time. Also, a number of items have been added to enhance your abilities in many of the game actions -- you can get a new fangled musket (or even a brace of pistols) which changes the opening battle animation to include a couple of musket shots rather than straight to the blades, which then starts you a step ahead in the aforementioned battle scene.

Sailing skills have been modified a fair amount too, making it even more important to pay attention to which way the wind is blowing. Items have been added to this aspect of the game as well -- there is a complete Pirate-o-pedia with detailed information on the variety of ships (much like the civilopedia in Civ3, there is information here for the history buffs too) available, city info, pirate terms etc. The types of ships available is very broad, with everything from a war canoe to a barque to a frigate and then some. You can add cotton sails for speed, triple hammocks to increase the crew size, iron scantlings for defence, etc. etc.

Winning the governor's daughter has never been more difficult, though. Long gone are those good old days of 1987 and 1995 when you could roll into port, sashay up to the governor's mansion and rely on your wit and charm. Now you have to dance. Luckily, you can buy soft boots (good) and dancing shoes (better) from the mysterious stranger in the tavern to make the task a little easier, and the dance steps more forgiving.

Also available from this mysterious stranger are treasure maps to the stashes of notorious pirates. If you should happen to find these buried treasures, be aware that the previous owners are going to be looking for them, and you. Or you can cut to the chase and talk the tavern maid into letting you know where they hang out. On the way, you can find your lost relatives after beating that info out of various villains, lost cities after charming that info out of the governors' daughters, and innocent bystanding ships to plunder, from whatever enemy nation of whatever government you decide to support. This month.

Now let's get back to that question about this being a good game and point of view and all that good stuff. This is not a game with a great deal of breadth. While the battle scenes, swordfights, dances and peripheral animations are fun to watch and play in, they are basically variations on a theme -- you can fight the enemy captain to the edge of his ship, and he might fall in the water, or catch his sleeve on fire from some burning pitch and jump into the water to put it out, or some even niftier endings when you're fighting the likes of Blackbeard (I won't spoil the surprise for you), but when all's said and done, the next battle will be similar to this one, but the captain will be sporting a different outfit. Same with the dances, the rescue scenes, the discovery of lost cities and the lair of your archenemy. This is a very cinematic game, not meant to be played for points (though there are points) and most certainly aimed at an audience that played previous versions, loves old Errol Flynn movies, or always goes to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride first when visiting Disneyland (guilty on all counts, by the way).

Once you've got the knack of the game, there are going to be fewer surprises, and once you've retired as a governor, you're going to be returning to the game only after watching a rerun of Captain Blood. This is not a game for people with itchy trigger fingers or who need to blast through and see what's on the next level -- after a couple hours, you've seen a lot of the levels. There aren't really levels. Civ and Sim City and Orion players -- there isn't nearly as much depth here, and when you start a new game, the world doesn't change very much. It's still the Caribbean, and the Spanish are still largely in charge. Fairly warned be ye, says I.

The only truly disappointing thing about the new and improved Pirates in my own point of view is that there is still just one male lead character. How hard would it have been to throw in a young girl who runs off to the high seas, who has to charm the foppish son of the governor? Or the governor himself? It would have been only fair for my wife, who is now hooked on the game. We have the technology, Sid. Historical likelihood be damned!

To sum up:

Arcade blasters, and 3D gamers -- you're probably not going to want to drop 50 doubloons on this game. Strategy types, this may be amusing, but be warned that it's not real complex. Sid Meier fans, previous Pirates players, those who've always wanted to hoist up the jolly roger -- Handsomely now, mateys!