The Story of Byron the Bulb.

Introduction.
In the 1970s, there was a general fear of what the future held in store for mankind (war, pollution, overpopulation) and a specific fear of technology. People thought computers would take away jobs and reduce the human component (ha, ha) in society, similar to the fears expressed in the movie Metropolis or in the novel Brave New World. Hollywood reacted and produced a series of films (and television programs), creating a new genre that today is the butt of jokes among film students and late-night talk show hosts. These films were low-budget, featured has-beens and unknowns, and contained plots that aped the written efforts of "deep" high school students. These films presented a future that was bleak, dirty, and violent--like Detroit, as the Zucker Brothers would say. (The brethren of these movies, the Disaster Flicks, were made with the same mentality except that they were set in the present day, had big budgets, and featured all-star casts.) But as with all genres, there is a range in quality, and Death Race 2000, surprisingly, is among the better.

Vroom.
Death Race 2000 (1975) is a campy science fiction film; but I would hesitate to label it bad or typical. It's more entertaining and (purposely) humorous than Soylent Green or The Omega Man, and the absences of Charlton Heston and his overdramatic toupee are always welcomed. But what Death Race 2000 shares with other movies of this era is a funky 70s soundtrack. Not a single wah-wah pedal was left unused during the making of this film. Curiously, hair fashions have also remained intact for over 25 years: huge, thick sideburns and planetary-sized Afros are littered throughout the cast. I thought I had rented an episode of Welcome Back, Kotter.

What I found interesting is that Death Race 2000 seems to predict the coming of reality TV. But it's not disturbing by today's standards. (That new Soft & Dry commercial with the dancing, singing Army women is far more disturbing. Who are the ad wizards who came up with THIS one? Leave it to some @$$wipe in marketing to make hot women unappealing.) But Death Race 2000 does include a seemingly endless scene with David Carradine in black bikini briefs: yuck!

Summary.
Your commentator, Junior Bruce, the younger, stronger, faster Charles Nelson Reilly of the future, introduces the five racing teams for the Transcontinental Road Race: a race in which contestants drive across the United States to New Los Angeles and, along the way, hit pedestrians for points. Each team consists of a driver and a navigator:

Team One: A cowgirl and some cowboy, whose names I can't remember. They say, "Yee-Haw," a lot.

Team Two: A Nazi girl (Matilda the Hun) and her copilot (Herman the German). They're out to prove their racial superiority or something.

Team Three: Some sort of Roman theme sponsored by the Brooklyn Academy of the Arts named Nero & Cleopatra. Have no fear: they die soon anyway.

Team Four: An Italian mobster named Machine Gun Joe who's "loved by thousands, hated by millions," and played by Sylvester Stallone and his speech impediment. Stallone needs subtitles or dubbing or something because he is very difficult to understand. A typical line: "Wadahabbenhebyafrendee?" or "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuh..." His performance recalls the beloved Fat Albert character Mushmouth. Stallone's navigator is a bleached blond bimbo with very nice breasts, which are prominently featured (along with everyone else's) during the massage/news conference scene. I think her name is Frenchy, but I'm not quite sure, thanks to Stallone.

Team Five: And last, our hero and the crowd favorite, Frankenstein, played by David Carradine (who insists it's pronounced "Fraun-kin-shteen") with Nurse Annie Smith, another hottie, as his navigator.

But wait there's subplot.

But wait there's subplot.
The imaginatively named Thomasena Paine, elderly leader of a people's resistance group, is out to thwart the race with her cryptically named Operation Anti-Race. Mrs. Paine and her organization dislike the bipartisan government and its idolization of sports, especially the Transcontinental Road Race. And here's a twist: Annie Smith (whom I hope you remember is Frankenstein's navigator) is Speed's long-lost brother--no wait a minute--Annie is Mrs. Paine's great-granddaughter, unbeknownst to Speed. No, Frankenstein.

The organization (I'm not sure if that was their actual name or not) wrecks havoc on the race contestants by causing many "accidents." The President blames these "accidents" on the French Air Force, of course, in an effort to keep up the morale of the contestants and the interest of the fans.

After much reckless rodeo action, Frankenstein informs Annie of his final intentions: he has a grenade (his prosthetic hand is actually a grenade--ha! a hand grenade, get it?), which he plans to use on the President. This is why Frankenstein must win the race.

In the meantime, in a public speech, the President blames everything, the destroyed US economy, the ruined telephone system, and the contestant casualties on the French Air Force. If the French are this much of a problem, what must the Germans be like? Shudder...

After he completes the race and is declared the winner, Frankenstein rams his car into the President's giant podium, killing him. Huzzah! Everything's better now. Frankenstein is elected president (even though he just killed the previous president), marries Annie Smith, and to the delight of his wedding guests, kills Junior Bruce in a winning display of irony.

Closing Thoughts?
Closing thoughts? What can I say about this movie? It's okay. The film looks like it was processed at a drive-through Photo-mat (and edited by lab monkeys) and the stunt driving is actually sped-up film, but this is an okay movie. It has a story and somewhat interesting characters. I would say DR2K (as it's known amongst the lazy) is more of a guy's movie since it has many naked boobies and fast cars (modified Corvettes), but it's better than any episode of One Day At a Time or The Facts of Life or Thirtysomething. I hate Bonnie Franklin. I wish someone ran over her during the movie.

My next review will be about another 70s classic, The Bad News Bears Go to Hell.

This was but one entry in kris-kochanski's "Kill Me Now" write-off. Check out more excellent entries from these superstars:

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dantesguide
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mrreevolution
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kuuleimomi
matt_harney
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telynor
d. markusen
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