"Tryin' to die in style? Gimme a break you sick old man!"

I'm just gonna jump right to the point here: I bought this game new at the local EB Games for 10 bucks. Obviously they couldn't give this game away. Now I had gotten the impression that Killer 7 was just some oddball title whose strange art style belied little else. So imagine how surprised I was that by the time I had finished Killer 7 that not only had I concluded that the game itself was not deserving of it's subpar jabs, but also somehow managed to steal my heart and take first place as the Best Game I Played All of 2006. That's my own award. I just made it up.

Really though, this game kicks so much &ss in so many different, distinct ways. First off though, before you even begin to attempt to try and play this game, "your disbelief needs to be thoroughly and completely suspended" as wise man once said. This game probably ain't for everybody, but it's a very damn enjoyable game, and very unique, distinct, and off-the-wall. Everything from the gameplay, despite it's simplicity, right up to the quirkiness (and sometimes downright insanity) of it's characters. This game succeeds at being humourous, intense, parodical, frightening, confusing, to downright disturbing throughout its run.

Getting down to brass tacks, Killer 7 is about a group of seven mercenaries/hitmen who are called upon by various near-futuristic governments around the world to tackle a new threat that is threatening peace around the globe: The Heaven Smile, a group of individuals that throw away their lives so that they can create terror simply for the sake of creating terror. Despite how action-film-material-sounding this all is, in execution there's a hell of a lot more going on here than meets the eye, and more behind the scenes and in between that we aren't privy to as the game comes to it's rather bewildering conclusion.

As the title indicates, the Killer 7 are not your normal everyday hitmen, they're all "the same person", but that's not quite true either. You start the game as Garcian Smith, on his way to take on the job of eliminating Heaven Smiles located in an apartment/office complex. As soon as he enters the building, a camera catches him as walks by. One moment it's Garcian, then the camera twitches out and now we're seeing a completely different person standing in Garcian's place.

Meet Dan Smith, one of the Killer 7. He walks into the lobby and passes by a normal person, who stops to warn him about the Heaven Smile, his voice turning sinister as he literally transforms into a ghoulish blob with a huge, crazen grin that attempts to jump Dan, who non-chanlantly reduces the amalgous form into a hallucinagenic cloud of particles. Right after that you run into a "helper" to the Killer 7, Iwazaru (whose full name is too long for me to even recollect). He speaks in rather unusual gibberish, mainly because he's dead, and all dead people that talk to you in this game speak in this unusual, almost-descernable-as-english speech. Past Iwazaru is a room with a maid, an analog television set, and Iwazaru ready to give advice about the game, about the enemies, and various other things. The maid saves your game.

You following me so far? Good. Cuz it only gets more bizarre from here on in. And the graphical style that the developers chose in letting us interpret this game does well to create that atmosphere where reality isn't quite firmly grounded, and the enemies you fight are about as lucid as the the oddly cel-shaded style they used in this game.

I was rather put off by Celda, but in all truth, playing it I was rather impressed by the amount of detail that had been put into the little things. That's something I can appreciate a great deal, cuz that usually means the people that make those kinds of games actually give a damn. And Killer 7 is no different. Although it's not necessarily in detail, but the overall strangness of the gameplay that is it's claim to fame.

The controls are pretty simple for the GameCube controller (thank god), and that's good because the gameplay itself is pretty simple to pick up and grasp. Some people have ragged on about how the game plays. Personally, after finally adjusting to it, the controllers pretty much disappeared in my hands. But how it plays is that you are "on rails" as it were. Instead of navigating with the control stick/pad, you hold down the A button to run in the direction you are facing. You hit B to turn around. As you move forward, you'll here a cackle of demented laughter. That's your cue to stop and hold down the R button. You'll immediately enter first person view (ala MGS2/3) and have your gun out. You won't see something at first (well you might see an indiscernable blob). By hitting L you'll "scan" the area to detect any Heaven Smiles. Once you do, you can then shoot them. Hitting and killing them draws blood out of them. Thick blood is used to upgrade the various abilities of the Killer 7, and thin blood is stored for healing the Killer 7's injuries and their special abilities. You can blow off limbs from the Heaven Smile to get more blood, and there are certain spots on the Heaven Smile, that when struck, will result in an instant kill and even more blood. That's pretty much the basic premise. You'll come to a break in the "path" and you'll hold a direction on the control pad and A to go a different way. The game doesn't emphasize running into dead ends a lot, or too much backtracking, which means the game keeps it simple and the tedium to a minimum level.

The Killer 7 are led by Harman Smith, a wheel-chair bound old man with an almost clerical countenance if not for the rather huge .50 caliber rifle mounted to the back of his wheelchair. Directly under Harman, there is Garcian Smith, who acts as a "go-between" for Harman and the rest of the Killer 7 personalities. In the event one of the 7 are killed, Garcian can retrieve their bodies and return them to life ready to fight once more. Dan Smith is the hardball, hot-headed, ruthless one of the bunch, sporting a large revolver, and then later a double-barreled revolver. Then there is Kaede Smith, the only woman of the group who slits her own wrists to uncover clues and secrets, while blasting enemies afar with her handgun and scope. Then there's Con Smith, the blind man whose as fast on his feet as he is firing his guns(which is ludicrously fast, trust me). Kevin Smith doesn't wear a shirt, uses knives instead of guns, never talks, and can turn invisible when he removes his shades. Mask de Smith is a former wrestler-turned hitman, and dispatches his enemies with two sawn-off grenade-launchers, whilst espousing cliched hero talk and breaking obstacles with ridiculous wrestling moves. And then finally we have Coyote Smith, whose specialty is picking locks, and swearing profusely when dispatching enemies. He can also jump really high.

The game takes place in roughly 5 chapters, with several chapters divided into several parts. There isn't much continuity between each part of the game. Each chapter has the Killer 7 facing off with various crazed, insane, and bizarre villians. In one chapter it's a crazed Texan with an afro (voiced by James Flinders, aka Liquid Snake, aka Leonardo from the TMNT cartoon, the OLD one). Another has you squaring off literally with Power Ranger knockoffs, and then another chapter that actually succeeds at having the most disturbing bad guy I've ever seen, and one of the most intense scenes that succeeds at being very visceral in a way that only a movie could achieve.

In between all that, buried somewhere inbetween the lines, is the true nature of this game, but it doesn't give it's secrets easily. Truth be told, I actually compare Killer 7 to the first Silent Hill. It's a very abstract game that leaves it's interpretation up to the player, instead of spoon-feeding the story to them. You have to dig hard for the truth, and even then, it doesn't resolve itself with a pretty bow on top.

But there are some things of merit I want to impart: The voice acting in Killer 7 is superb. Extremely well done. The voices match their characters. And every character is memorable. They all have a presence, no matter how long or short they fill their roles. There's so much going on in this game I can't even begin to mention it all, so much political satire buried below the craziness, and Capcom going so far as to lampoon themselves in one part of the game. And the music in this game is excellent, extremely excellent.

I will say this, that this is the least kiddy game for the Game Cube, or ANY system I've ever seen, despite it's graphical style I found it more inflammatory than Manhunt or any GTA game by far. It's cuz of the story and the characters, and the things that happen. But if you have kids, probably don't want to let them play Killer 7. Besides, this isn't just some GTA clone, or a game that has sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll on there cuz it'll sell. This game takes the player seriously, even if it doesn't take itself too seriously. This is an adult's video game. Finally, it took long enough.

Mere words can't describe my joy and appreciation for this game. Luckily it's soul will live on No More Heroes for the Wii.