One day, when I grow up, I want to be just like Tony Hawk...

Note: a copy of this was provided by THQ

Now, I have been intertwined with video game skateboarding from near the beginning: one of the first two games I got with my very first console, a Nintendo Entertainment System, was Town and Country Surf Designs: Wood and Water Rage. Yes, I'm aware that it was simplistic and repetitive, but I had fun laying it anyways. Why, I sometimes wish I could go back to the days when Joe Cool teamed with Thrilla Gorilla to party in style.

But times progress, which have brought both myself and skateboarding to new levels. Indeed, our paths seem fit to cross again, as MTV Skateboarding rolls my way. But with the modern legend of skateboarding games, Tony Hawk, just having released a sequel, MTV has its work ct out for it.

The game stars Andy McDonald, who is know going to be known amongst video game players as "Tony Duck." There are also 15 other skaters joining him in his skate or die thrillfest. Speaking of which, there is another skateboarding title that has seen better days. You also can build your own skater, but more on that in a moment.

The game presents several different modes of play to you. As you'd expect, you have the standard freestyle and battle modes, which still isn't as cool as taking on Bionic Lester with the Pugil Stick. You also have the "MTV Hunt," in which you have to collect MTV logos to progress to the next stage. Similar, really, to collecting as much gold as you can to make your very own gilded calf.

Most new, though, is the career mode the game presents. In it, you can choose your own scrub with a board and try to guide him to pro skating success. You can even build up your skater's stats after every successful event, so that you can one day too become a Tony Hawk wannabe. However, you can't use your brand spanking new skater in any other mode than the career mode. Kind of a cheap ripoff, if you ask me.

Why, do you ask, must I hammer home the name of Tony Hawk? Well, Hawkamaniacs, try this game for a moment and see what is new. The tricks are in slightly different places on the control pad, but otherwise, the game is taken almost directly from Tony Hawk Pro Skater. What's original? They got rid of the individual moves that made each skater special in Tony's game (not like Andy could do a 900 degree anyways). They even take the same point count methods from THPS, so you know all about trick degredation if you have ever touched the other game at all.

The game's graphics aren't spectacular, but for the most part, you can tell what everything is. The game doesn't create absurd or unreal objects - just ramps, walls, and some humans. Thus, while the people do look rather blocky, they are passable. Fans of real skating will be able to recognize the tricks they perform in the game, which is a strong showing for the game.

However, the graphics fall apart, fittingly, when you take a tumble. In perhaps some of the most fun I've had with a game, when you wipe out, you can easily get your character to pass through some of the polygons making up the walls. Watch you suddenly lose your left leg after skidding into the wall. How about losing half your torso? Still nothing compared getting your head jammed into the wall. Technically, it showcases limitations to 3-D technology, but it's so funny to watch.

The sound is notable for a couple of things. First, since this is MTV, you know that there have to be some bands contributing songs that MTV has anointed as the new standards of all that is 'cool' and 'hip' (which I write as I listen to some They Might Be Giants in my Hawaiian shirt). It's a fairly eclectic mix, from the the trip-rap stylings of Cypress Hill to the SoCal groove of opm. However, I kind of wonder how many skaters actually listen to this stuff. Alot of it favors harder music, perfectly evidenced by Pennywise. But in my experience, skaters prefer more of a punk feel, which is not to be confused with a hard rock.

Also, the skateboarding sounds are nice, but the crowd sounds too canned. They use the same tracks every time, one for cheering and one for booing, and it feels hollow and artificial. I know it really is, but I don't want it to sound like that. Same way I don't want to really know what that Schezuan place served me for dinner. Although the clack of the wheels is clean, and the hurling of a falling skater sounds cool. Shame you don't see any cookies tossed in the game, though.

One thing to note about the music, though, and this one is for parents. At least one song in the game that I've heard (only listening passively) contains curse words in it. And please note that the game is rated "E" for everyone. Here is a quick news flash to game manufacturers: do you want to know why us gamers are seen as illiterate slobs and why Congress is after you? It's because you throw curse words into a game that's marked "E." It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this is bad news. Why, even a politician might think of it, and we all know what kind of trouble erupts on the rare occasion that a politician thinks.

But for people who are nominally ready for that kind of thing, this game is pretty much like Tony Hawk, right? Sorry, but this game will disappoint right where it hurts most - the game play. While each skater does have tricks they do favor due to their stats, there is no individuality. Moreover, the game's huge sound clips and multiple modes of play wear heavy on the poor Playstation, and the game suffers from extreme slowdown. It takes nearly a minute to load up a single course. Worse, the slowdown continues during the game play, where there will be regular spots of tremendous slowdown. You will find quite frequently that a button press to initiate a trick won't actually register for up to two seconds after the button is pressed. This is totally unacceptable for a modern video game.

Also, because you'll find your skater not doing what you told him to until it's too late, you'll wipe out alot. Of course, almost nobody wears pads. At all. Never mind the rampant sprains, contusions, bone snaps, and massive head trauma that these guys could have suffered: you're a skater, and that means you're young and invincible! Please, everyone, I'm warning you: do not try this at home. If you try skating like that, you will die. I'm not even joking.

Finally, a word from our sponsors is in order. Various companies related to skateboarding and skateboarding wear make sure to advertise by 'endorsing' the skaters. Just to get an idea of this phenomenon, look at one of the last pages in the instruction booklet, where over 30 different sponsors, from athletic gear to clothing companies, proudly list their logos. Must listen to MTV... must wear logos of my corporate oppressors with pride... Argh! Almost fell for that, sorry.

Well, it plays like Tony Hawk with worse controls, it has names like Tony Hawk, although not as talented, and it has music like Tony Hawk, although it doesn't fit the mood as well. Really, in every way, this game is a step backwards from the original Tony Hawk's Pro skater. And if you consider that Tony Hawk 2 has come out around the same time, there is no excuse whatsoever to pick this game up. Why, for better skateboarding action... I'd rather have a guy wearing a Tiki mask.