Eric Cartman gets his period and other greatest hits of Season Three.

In its third season, “South Park” was becoming larger than life. The creators had become household names, and the creation of a feature-length “South Park” movie for release in the summer of 1999 had propelled the show to a higher status, and it even granted the show an Oscar nomination. Also, it was during this season when Mary Kay Bergman, who had provided the voices of a lot of the female characters on the show, took her life. These two burdensome events aside, “Season 3” was the first step in giving a spontaneous, offbeat life to the series, whereas looking back on the second season displays a mostly awkward attitude which doesn’t hinder the quality of the jokes (and season two is actually full of hilarious bits) but provide shows that aren’t as entertaining as could be. With the third season, there were several classic episodes, a couple of misfires, and the rest of them were in between.

Warner Bros., who distributed the boxed DVD sets for previous seasons, did not bring you South Park: The Complete Third Season on three DVDs. Instead, Paramount, who have distributed the South Park film (in association with Warner Bros.& Comedy Central), have presented a similar DVD package not unlike the previous Warner sets. But did they improve upon the job of making a quality DVD presentation of the seventeen episodes that made up the third coming of “South Park”? More on that question later. First, we run through the individual episodes to give handy plot synopsis and criticisms on each episode.

DISC ONE (Episodes 301-306):
Rainforest Shmainforest (301, 4/7/99) The boys are signed up against their will by Mr. Mackey to participate in the traveling “Getting Gay With Kids” choir show. The boys travel to Costa Rica in order to raise rainforest awareness, and they take a firsthand tour of the rainforest. Their guide is killed by a coral snake, and the party is stranded there without help. Jennifer Aniston has a guest role as Mrs. Stevens, the choir teacher.

Well, you know the rainforest truly sucks a**, don’t you? If you don’t, you may realize it by the end of this episode. Cartman in the rainforest is too full of comic potential (especially when he “asserts” himself by brandishing a smacking stick), and thank God this episode takes advantage of it. Aniston is natural and funny in her cameo role, and the whole “Getting Gay With Kids” gambit provides much of this film’s barbed “f*ck the rainforest” humor. And you might want to research on exotic animals and tribes before you visit, if ever you do.

Spontaneous Combustion (302, 4/14/99) A rash of spontaneous combustion dominates the town, and so Stan’s father, Randy Marsh, is appointed by the Mayor to find the cause, even though the cure might as well be worse. Meanwhile, Kyle’s dad desperately needs an erection, so the boys put on a performance of “The Stations of the Cross” and crucify Cartman.

The gag with Kyle’s dad resulting in the crucifixion of Eric Cartman is actually quite funny, but fart jokes are what fuel this episode, much like a Terrance & Philip episode without T&P. Except for these two plots, there were a couple of laughs (Kyle walking in on his parents) and some weak bits (a Nobel Prize Ceremony lampoon). This is an average show at best.

The Succubus (303, 4/21/99) Chef quits his job following his romantic involvement with new girlfriend Veronica. No longer the soulful lothario of yore or the faithful dispenser of wisdom, Chef decides to settle down, get a job working in a cubicle, and marry his newfound inspiration. The betrayed boys learn she might be the dreaded succubus, and they must unleash the truth before Chef remains tied under wedlock to this demonic beast.

Cartman goes to the eye doctor, I neglect to mention, and he keeps calling Cartman fat and ragging on him. I laughed quite a bit (Cartman looks funny with dilated pupils and glasses). But the core story of Chef’s temptation probably would weaken out had Matt and Trey not unleash the secret weapon: Chef’s parents, who recall their exploits with the Loch Ness Monster and always say “three-fitty” with every sentence they say. A lot of on-the-side jokes work, and this is another one of the best episodes of the season.

Jakovasaurs (305, 6/16/99) While in the woods of Stark‘s Pond, the boys discover an endangered species of animal known as “Jakovasaur.” Stan’s Uncle Jimbo and Ned (who loses his voice box here) help out, and together, with some of the higher-class scientists and environmentalists, they allow these rare species to reproduce and be saved. Cartman immediately takes a liking to these creatures, who are amazingly stupid and chatty and annoying beyond belief, but everyone else is increasingly bothered by them. Everyone in town, with the exception of Cartman, conspire to move them away.

Well, Jar Jar Binks had so bothered Matt and Trey that they decided to create their own annoying little beasts with the Jakovasaurs. They make the negative side because these characters are so bloody annoying, but they are also quite funny in a weird way, perhaps because watching these dopey creatures interact with the townsfolk is comical (“Go Niners!”). Also fairly interesting is the search for Ned’s new voice box, and the relationship Cartman develops with the Jakovasaurs. The ending feels unsurprising, but this is certainly one of the strangest episodes in Season 3.

Tweek vs. Craig (304, 6/23/99) While in shop class, Stan, Kyle and Cartman decide to instigate a fight between Tweek and Craig. Cartman trains Craig to be a nut-kicking fighting machine, and Stan and Kyle rally around Tweek. The shop teacher, Mr. Adler, is plagued my tragic memories of the untimely death of his girlfriend.

Both the characters of Craig and Mr. Adler are non-entities, and the whole use of flashback footage to give a [cartoonish] back story to him falls on its face and drowns in flop sweat (in shorter words: f*cking annoying). The whole idea of Tweek vs. Craig makes me think of the more hilarious and recent rivalry (“Cripple Fight!”) between Timmy and Jimmy, and the four boys at their most weakest here. There’s not a lot of grand conflict between Cartman and the duo of Stan and Kyle, and their whole plan to lure the two kids into a fight kept me stone-faced. This is the weakest of all 17 episodes.

Sexual Harassment Panda (306, 7/07/99) The title character comes to South Park Elementary, and inspires Cartman to sue Stan for sexual harassment (after Stan calls Eric an “a**-sucker“). Kyle’s lawyer dad decides to lawfully wrestle funds from the school, and thus causes Sexual Harassment Panda to lose his job and the Chef to be forced into serving only lumpy potatoes. The kids make a last ditch effort to get SHP back to South Park to keep everyone from suing everyone.

Well, I think this is a much better episode than the last episode, but not anywhere above a C-level grade. There is some comedy at times (the case of Cartman vs. Stan equals a chuckle or seven), and it’s interesting to see Kyle’s father become such a greedy bastard. However, Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda fares less better, coming across about as good as Mr. Adler, and thankfully he wasn’t revisited for a follow-up episode.

DISC TWO (Episodes 307-310, 312-313):
Cat Orgy (307, 7/14/99) The first of the classic trio of “Meteor Shower” spin-off episodes. Cartman is the focus of this one, as his mom goes to the big Meteor Shower Party and leaves him in the care of Shelley Marsh, Stan’s brutally authoritative sister. Cartman attempts to get back at her by obtaining evidence that she brought her guitar-playing, twenty-something boyfriend Skylar over, but Cartman ends up helping her once the slacker breaks her heart.

Cartman’s home version of “Wild Wild West” is one of the signature moments in this entire third season. Aside from this goofy joke, as well as the long-awaited battle of wits between Cartman and that psychotic Shelley Marsh, this is the first in the “Meteor Shower Trilogy,” and it starts the series off on a strong note. The “cat orgy” of the title hardly occurs until late in the episode (but we get a lot of frantic meowing and a couple of failed attempts of cat sex), but this is mostly focusing on Cartman, and you just can’t go wrong with that.

Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub (308, 7/21/99) Stan goes along with his parents to the Meteor Shower Party, but has to stay in the basement with those f*cking Melvins Pip, Butters and Dougie, who insist on dressing in lingerie and playing Charlie’s Angels. Stan discovers a full trigger-happy ATF army outside their door, who are convinced the partygoers are actually a religious cult planning to commit mass suicide. He has the unwelcome task of leading these dorks to freedom. Meanwhile, turmoil erupts between Randy Marsh and Gerald Broflovski after they watch each other masturbate in the hot tub.

The most unsatisfying in the “Meteor Shower Trilogy” is this middle installment, mostly because…let’s be honest: focusing an entire show on Stan is not halfway as interesting as a whole Cartman episode. The dork trio of Butters, Pip and Dougie (never noticed him before and after this episode) project no laughs, not even for their hopelessly geeky demeanor. And outside of the basement, the adults’ adventures in hot-tub fornicating is tame and tiresome. The “Charlie’s Angels” reference and the bold stupidity of the ATF squad provide the sole laughs in the entire episode.

Jewbilee (309, 7/28/99) The final of the three intertwined episodes concerns Kyle and Kenny’s stay at Jew Scouts Camp. Kenny comes along with Kyle to Jewbilee, the great celebration of Moses, and little Ike is separated to join the Squirts. However, the Squirt leader runs afoul of a bear, who systematically kidnaps the kids as he attempts to capture the bear and receive a chutzpah badge. The Jewbilee celebration is threatened by an anti-Semitic elder who banishes Moses to a shell and calls upon Hamen to rise and take charge.

With Cartman and Stan out of the way, we now focus on the last remaining boys with this final episode: Kyle and Kenny. They are more colorful and given more to do than Stan did, and Kenny’s foray into the Jewish faith musters some laughs (especially when he dodges the bell). They also stuck in a sly reference to the movie “Tron” (see for yourself). However, the Squirt caper, despite being led by a lousy character (that’s the point, I guess), did spring a nifty surprise or two, and I got some suspense from the Moses vs. Hamen faith squabble. This certainly picks up steam lost in the last episode.

KoRn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery (312, 10/27/99) KOZY FM radio is holding a big Halloween bash in South Park, where costumes are celebrated and metalheads KoRn will rock the docks. But the boys’ attempt to scare the fifth graders goes awry when the corpse of Kyle’s grandmother is stolen away. Not only that, Pirate Ghosts terrorize the docks, and Father Maxi convinces the townsfolk that it’s the fault of KoRn. With the aid of the boys as well as the irascible Niblet, KoRn seek to uncover the mystery of the Pirate Ghosts.

The show is obviously a riff on the type of warped mystery of “Scooby Doo” episodes, and with KoRn on the bill, it’s like those guest star spin-offs. The band hold their dignity throughout the entire show, even Fieldy (who hated being modeled after Velma). Besides, Jonathan Davis sounds so…cartoonish. They did premiere the lead-off single from their “Issues” release here, but they transcend the typical promotional appearance. Cartman is in top form with this episode, and his Christmas infatuation on Halloween merits some of this show’s best laughs.

Chinpoko Mon (310, 11/03/99) A wicked spin on the Pokemon phenomenon where Stan, Cartman and Kenny are brainwashed into buying Chinpoko Mon dolls, video games and tickets to the Chinpoko Mon camp. Kyle attempts to fit in, but is ragged on by his friends for not catching up with the times. However, a Japanese conspiracy to bomb Pearl Harbor lies behind this seemingly innocent, mindless fad, and the Japanese manufacturers (with small penises) are insistent that there’s nothing wrong. It’s up to the parents of South Park to save America.

The Emmy-winning episode toted on promotional spots for this set tears the whole “Pokemon” phenomenon a new a**crack. From the hopeless consumerism to the ridiculous lack of substance to the non-stop barrage of products related to the fad, as well as the inclusion of sharp jabs at the Japanese manufacturers and the basic toy industry, I found myself enjoying this episode more by the minute. The most gut-busting moment is when we see the lengths Cartman will go to in order to buy more Chinpoko Mon. Listen to the commentary and learn the English translation of “Chinpoko Mon.”

Hooked On Monkey Phonics (313, 11/10/99) Not even the title program helps Cartman win the big spelling bee, and master Kyle loses to a duo of home-schooled kids, Mark and Rebecca. Mark yearns to go to public school, but his overprotective father reluctantly agrees, and Mark suffers ridicule at the hands of other kids. Kyle falls head over heels for the overly-withdrawn Rebecca, and he attempts to teach her the meaning of love. And Cartman says to Mr. Garrison’s class “Screw you guys…I’m going to be home-schooled!”

Forgive me for not being able to write a review of this episode; I’m still reeling from the image of watching an animated simian spank the m…well, you just have to see this yourself.

DISC THREE (Episodes 311, 314-317):
Starvin‘ Marvin In Space (311, 11/17/99) Fed up with the attempt to convert Ethopia into a Christian country, Starvin’ Marvin discovers a spaceship from the Marklar race, and he attempts to find a place to relocate the Ethopian population. However, the CIA are hot on his trail, as well as fanatical missionaries, as Marvin, his country folk, and the boys attempt to reach the promised land of Marklar.

Starvin’ Marvin’ is back, and that means Sally Struthers becomes a laughingstock once again, even if there is a self-referential sting in a line of dialogue concerning some TV show that made fun of her weight. However, she is spared the worst pricks: Pat Robertson and the Christian missionaries get it the worst, being exposed as hypocrites for letting Ethopians stay in poverty because they won’t convert. It’s barbs like these that make this one of the best satirical episodes of Season 3, and a welcome return of an old friend from a previous Thanksgiving episode is a nice touch.

The Red Badge Of Gayness (314, 11/24/99) Cartman breaks away from the Fife & Drum Squad playing at the Civil War Reenactment, and returns dressed up as General Lee. He assures Stan and Kyle that the South will win, and he bets they win on the collateral that if he wins, the other boys will be his slaves for a month, and if he loses, he’s their slave. Cartman reaches into the souls of these drunken Confederate players and rallies them to take back Tamarac Hill. The soldiers then take Topeka, and continue through the South until they reach Washington, D.C. Can the boys keep Cartman from successfully rewriting history?

Eric Cartman is General Robert E. Lee, leading a group of hicks drunk on S’more-flavored Schnapps to re-conquer the South, all the while writing to his two closest friends: “I really hate you guys.” Need I say more? A winner.

Mr. Hankey‘s Christmas Classics (315, 12/01/99) With Mr. Hankey hosting, this episode is actually a collection of clips of South Park regulars performing traditional/original X-mas tracks. All of these songs (except for one) appear on the CD release “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics,” as we hear “Dreidel, Dreidel” (Kyle and his parents along with Cartman and Stan), “O Holy Night” (Cartman), “Hark Hear The Bells” (Mr. Mackey), “Karaoke Showdown” (Jesus and Santa), and “Merry F*cking Christmas” (Mr. Garrison).

This is nothing more than a compilation of animated mini-videos to songs from the CD, but it’s got plenty of funny surprises. The opening song is a throwback to the classic Rankin-Bass Christmas cartoons, with a rosy-cheeked mailman singing around a chorus of kids, and the karaoke war between Jesus and Santa is awesome. The “Dreidel Dreidel” song is interesting for juggling five-part harmony, and hearing a chorus of Mr. Mackeys on “Hark Hear The Bells” is a bizarre idea, although it’s even more bizarre hearing Mr. Garrison tirade against foreign countries who don’t celebrate X-Mas, even if the melody is vaguely familiar to that of “Kyle’s Mom Is A Stupid B*tch.” A nice, festive addition to the season.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Jesus. (316, 12/29/99) New Year’s Eve 1999 is on the rise, and Cartman is celebrating thanks to the fact that he has bled from his a**, which he thinks makes him mature. Kenny and Kyle follow suit, leaving Stan out in the cold, and he attempts to have his period by means of a puberty-increasing hormone from Mephesto’s lab. Meanwhile, Jesus is being pressured by the townsfolk to bring God down to earth at the end of the millennium, and he decides to throw a big New Year’s Bash in Vegas with Rod Stewart performing to increase his popularity.

This is as crude as it gets in this third season, as both menstruation and defecation are made into running jokes. Hearing an older, deeper-voiced version of Rod Stewart is hilarious (about as much as making Stevie Nicks into a goat), and the whole fact that big and dumb Cartman is under the impression that having a period is a transitional period makes him a total f*g, making him both worthy of humiliation and comic foil.

World Wide Recorder Concert (317, 1/12/00) It’s time for the big ׂ Million Child Blow 2000!” event in Oklahoma, where over 4 million students from around the world will come together to play “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee” on their recorder. However, the event goes to Arkansas, where Mr. Garrison’s parents live. Mr. Garrison must confront his father, who had never molested him in his life, and assumes that this means a lack of paternal love. Cartman attempts to find the legendary “Brown Noise” on his recorder, and the boys engage in a rivalry with a group of New York upstarts.

When a man gets into a fight with a hand puppet, and a grown man takes the fact that his father never raped him as sign of neglection, you don’t Stan to tell you it gets pretty f*cked up right here. The jokes involving the rivalry between Colorado and New York school kids, the “Brown Noise” that loosens bowel control, and the appearances of Kenny G and Yoko Ono in mock form is hilarious. Mr. Garrison is such a strange character, though, despicable and unsympathetic, so the whole ploy for a psychotic flipside of a serious anti-molestation drama is odd unless you simply look at Mr. Garrison as nothing but an insecure, overbearing flamer. Overall, this episode concludes the entire 17-episode run on a nutty scale.

The shape of the picture and audio are good enough given the show’s limitations, which seems to be the way it goes with a lot of animated TV shows placed on DVD. Visually, I think Paramount’s transfers feel somewhat superior to the Warner ones. I noticed a lower occurrence of softness and the color hues on these episodes suitably sharp and varied to the simplicity of the animation. Some instances of live-action footage are presented, and they look great as well. One qualm might be a noticeable amount of jagged edges, but whether it’s the transfer or the animation I can’t be sure of. No big deal, though: the picture quality looks just as good as it would have you tuned on one of these episodes on cable.

Paramount decided not to spring for 5.1 surround tracks, so you get Dolby Digital 2.0, the usual type of TV-based soundtrack. Dialogue and music are mostly center-placed, and often times there are effects and reinforcement that hit the front speakers as well. A 2.0 track doesn’t usually contain that much bass, and the subwoofer just didn’t get much action. It’s a perfect stereo soundtrack though, as I have no complaints concerning the pitch and clarity of the music and the speech. Optional soundtrack options in Spanish mono and French 2.0 are also available, so you can even listen to the mock toy jingles Trey Parker sings in the “Chinpoko Man” episode in foreign tongues.

The only on-the-side extras offered are a pair “Comedy Central Previews,” one of them from a funny boy band-based episode of “South Park” and the other from “Chapelle’s Show.” Some easter eggs are available, but they only make use of interactive menus and do not offer any bonus footage/outtakes of any sort.

The real icing on the cake is the fact that Trey Parker and Matt Stone have finally gotten their voices heard on the commentary front. You might remember when Warner Bros. released the “Complete First Season” DVD package some time ago, and had unwisely nixed the full-length audio commentary tracks they recorded simply because they feared the strong content of them. Picking up the package online and with the separate commentary CDs toted with them, I heard them get into detail on the show, the inspiration for various celebrity skewerings, and also some real lacerating comments on Barbara Streisand and Bob Saget. I guess they feared Babs and Bobby might be listening to this.

So the Warner Bros. sets have lacked any great extras except bonus cartoons and one measly documentary. Paramount’s luck isn’t exactly improved (hence the lousy aforementioned “Previews”), although they did let the pair record audio tracks for all 17 episodes. However, Trey and Matt have done what they call “Commentary Mini” tracks, which last only 3-4 minutes in length and attempt to condense a whole 20 minutes of banter into one small nugget of speech, saving the problems of dead space and lack of interesting ideas.

But the duo have a mean streak with being both highly informative and consistently funny, and these mini-commentaries actually leave you clamoring for more. There are a lot of interesting things that they tend to point out, a lot of which concerns the fact that they needed inspiration due to the booming popularity of the show and they were making “South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut” with most of these episodes on the side. Matt and Trey discuss what went on in their heads and in their hands with these episodes, as well as speak of the toll that Mary Kay Bergman’s suicide took on them. Also, you are filled in on what it was like working with KoRn and Jennifer Aniston, where a lot of obscure jokes come from, and also the duo’s opinion on “Wild Wild West” and the irony of its popularity in the SP realm.

Keep in mind though that unlike the actual episodes, the “commentary minis” have no option to play them all at once. The commentary minis kick in after the starting theme, and the chapter selection Paramount provided singles out the opening theme amongst other act breaks. To save the hassle of pressing the “track forward” button in a manic manner, I suggest activating the commentary in the set-up menu, then using episode selection to pick an episode, skip a chapter ahead to the start of the episode, and then listen to the track and press “menu” to head back to the episode selection menu.

The makers of “South Park” feel as if they didn’t accomplish all that they could have with the second season, and indeed look at it as the worst. Perhaps they just didn’t find the assertion that they needed to create consummately entertaining episodes. Things changed with season three, luckily, as the duo found a way to make their shows seriously satirical, outrageously offensive, delightfully dumb, and intermittently interesting all in the same 20-minute program. The characters had retained their charm, and the one thing season three makes clear is that the saltier Cartman gets, the funnier he is. Season four ought to be interesting, with the arrival of Timmy, the hilarious South Park boy band Fingerbang, and that damn “Dawson’s Creek” Trapper Keeper, but season three is the definite keeper of the three sets thus far.